Growing up with the military, it's common sense not to publicly announce any sort of date or location unless told that it's ok. Parker told me the specific people he wanted to know when he was coming home. I shared it with a few close and trustworthy friends who he knows have kept me strong since he's been gone, as well as my family so they can start preparing for the days that he will be spending at my house soon after he gets home.
Of course, his mom was on the list of people he wanted me to tell. No big deal. All my friends and family know not to share this date with anyone and when they talk to me, they don't even mention the day, just that he's coming home soon. Apparently she doesn't know any of that and posted on Facebook a date saying that that is when he is leaving Iraq. Seriously? I laughed when I first saw it because she got the day wrong and I know I told her the correct date but I soon got over it and sent her a message telling her why she needs to take it down. If she thinks I'm rude for telling her to take it down, so be it. This date has not been publicly released and I have been getting an email a day from the FRG since this date was given to the soldiers in Parker's company reminding me about OPSEC.
I really do hope she takes it down soon....
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Day of GREAT news!
If anyone else has good news for me, please tell me now! I've received two wonderful pieces of news in less than an hour and I'm as happy as can be right now.
First piece of news: Parker's homecoming date has been moved up!!! Forget having Christmas with me, he'll probably be having Thanksgiving with me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second piece of news: I got a call back about a job in Austin! They want me to do an online assessment so that they can decide whether or not to continue with the interview process.
So excited right now!!!
First piece of news: Parker's homecoming date has been moved up!!! Forget having Christmas with me, he'll probably be having Thanksgiving with me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second piece of news: I got a call back about a job in Austin! They want me to do an online assessment so that they can decide whether or not to continue with the interview process.
So excited right now!!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Letter
Ever since Parker left for Iraq in May, the one thing I've wanted is for him to write me letters. I write him every few weeks and I hoped that would push him a little to write me every once in awhile. He sent one letter before R&R and it really made me happy! I read it over and over again, especially when I'm feeling sadder than usual about the deployment.
Well, today I got the second "letter." I'm actually not sure what to even call it...he sent me sticky notes! What a romantic :P I sure know how to pick the romantic guys. But it really is the cutest thing. It's only 7 sticky notes stuck to each other but it's the guy I love that put an effort into putting together little pages of things that would make me laugh and smile so I'm going to cherish this so much!
All in all, it's the thought that counts and he put effort into it and it's still making me smile after flipping through it about 10 times :)
Well, today I got the second "letter." I'm actually not sure what to even call it...he sent me sticky notes! What a romantic :P I sure know how to pick the romantic guys. But it really is the cutest thing. It's only 7 sticky notes stuck to each other but it's the guy I love that put an effort into putting together little pages of things that would make me laugh and smile so I'm going to cherish this so much!
All in all, it's the thought that counts and he put effort into it and it's still making me smile after flipping through it about 10 times :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Picture Blog
Finally updated my picture blog! Let's see if I can at least post one picture every week since it's starting to become impossible to do one every single day
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
A Poem for Army Wives/Girlfriends
Everyone hears of the Army Wife,
Her trials, sacrifices, and devoted life.
She is strong, she is brave, and she is loving indeed,
Standing by her man in his time of need.
But what of others in a similar situation,
Who have made being an Army girlfriend their main occupation?
They suffer many of the same trials and many of the same fears
Without the security of future years.
Will there be peace or will there be war?
You try to be hopeful but it's hard to ignore.
The world seems to be falling apart
When to a soldier you have given your heart.
Your love runs too deep to escape from it now.
You hope to be together somewhere, somehow,
When his duty is over and your life can begin.
You wonder if it will happen but don't question when.
The many heartbreaks and times you did weep
When he made promises the Army couldn't keep.
But you have learned so much together and come so far.
Others warned you not to fall in love but you already are.
His job is ever-changing and takes him far away.
You think of him always and pray every day--
For his safety, his courage, and his love for you
That he may remain steadfast, loyal, and ever true.
Nothing is sure and nothing is set in stone...
Except that he will leave again and you will be alone,
Holding tightly to your dreams of a future together
When you will at last be able to say the word "forever."
Tears have become anything but a stranger.
They fall freely in sadness, loneliness, and anger.
But he will never know because you will never tell.
You've learned to hide your misery only too well.
A few years? That doesn't sound like so long.
The letters and phone calls keep your love going strong,
Even when they are few and far between,
In them, his love for you can clearly be seen.
So keep your chin up and a smile on your face.
He is protecting your freedom and keeping you safe.
His heart is strong and his love is true
And don't ever forget that he is missing you too.
Her trials, sacrifices, and devoted life.
She is strong, she is brave, and she is loving indeed,
Standing by her man in his time of need.
But what of others in a similar situation,
Who have made being an Army girlfriend their main occupation?
They suffer many of the same trials and many of the same fears
Without the security of future years.
Will there be peace or will there be war?
You try to be hopeful but it's hard to ignore.
The world seems to be falling apart
When to a soldier you have given your heart.
Your love runs too deep to escape from it now.
You hope to be together somewhere, somehow,
When his duty is over and your life can begin.
You wonder if it will happen but don't question when.
The many heartbreaks and times you did weep
When he made promises the Army couldn't keep.
But you have learned so much together and come so far.
Others warned you not to fall in love but you already are.
His job is ever-changing and takes him far away.
You think of him always and pray every day--
For his safety, his courage, and his love for you
That he may remain steadfast, loyal, and ever true.
Nothing is sure and nothing is set in stone...
Except that he will leave again and you will be alone,
Holding tightly to your dreams of a future together
When you will at last be able to say the word "forever."
Tears have become anything but a stranger.
They fall freely in sadness, loneliness, and anger.
But he will never know because you will never tell.
You've learned to hide your misery only too well.
A few years? That doesn't sound like so long.
The letters and phone calls keep your love going strong,
Even when they are few and far between,
In them, his love for you can clearly be seen.
So keep your chin up and a smile on your face.
He is protecting your freedom and keeping you safe.
His heart is strong and his love is true
And don't ever forget that he is missing you too.
Homecoming
It's amazing what the smallest bit of news, no matter if it isn't set in stone yet, can change your entire attitude.
Parker was able to tell me his homecoming date, the best news any girl can ever get! Of course, things can change quickly but knowing that we really don't have that much longer left makes me so happy!
Looks like it's time to start figuring out what I'm going to wear when I go pick him up :)
Parker was able to tell me his homecoming date, the best news any girl can ever get! Of course, things can change quickly but knowing that we really don't have that much longer left makes me so happy!
Looks like it's time to start figuring out what I'm going to wear when I go pick him up :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
You find out who your friends are
This past week, I definitely learned who I can trust and who I can't.
I was having a bad day and Parker's internet wasn't working. All he was able to do was send me a quick message saying he was going to bed. Yes, he could have elaborated a bit on the internet situation but that doesn't really matter. I, of course, was upset that he got off before I could tell him why I was upset that day. I turned to my former friend, Josh, to get some comfort and get everything off my chest. I've known Josh since my freshman year of college and we've always gotten along great. He kept telling me not to worry and that I would hear from him the next day. I calmed down and everything was great.
In the middle of the night I wake up to my phone letting me know I had gotten an email. It was from Parker so I decided to read it right then. Turns out Josh went behind my back and had given Parker this whole long list of ways to treat me better. I never said anything about Parker treating me badly but apparently that's how he took it, or so I thought. Parker was very upset about getting unneeded advice from someone he didn't even know and he asked me to tell Josh that he was acting out of line. When I got up the next morning, I told Josh exactly that and at that point he said our friendship was over (but in more words and not so nicely). I, like any girl, went running to my boyfriend and sent him an email saying I didn't know what was going on, I hadn't done anything wrong, and had no idea why he would just end our friendship like that. Parker, the ever protective boyfriend who doesn't want me to be upset, sent a message back to Josh. This is where I wish Parker would have just left everything alone and not sent a message. Turns out to Josh, I was the one that got away and he was purposefully sabotaging our friendship so he would never have to listen to me talk about Parker again. the two of them exchanged a few more heated messages until I finally begged them both to stop.
In the end, I think it's better that Josh and I can't be friends anymore but it still hurts to know that someone I once called one of my best friends would do something like that.
I was having a bad day and Parker's internet wasn't working. All he was able to do was send me a quick message saying he was going to bed. Yes, he could have elaborated a bit on the internet situation but that doesn't really matter. I, of course, was upset that he got off before I could tell him why I was upset that day. I turned to my former friend, Josh, to get some comfort and get everything off my chest. I've known Josh since my freshman year of college and we've always gotten along great. He kept telling me not to worry and that I would hear from him the next day. I calmed down and everything was great.
In the middle of the night I wake up to my phone letting me know I had gotten an email. It was from Parker so I decided to read it right then. Turns out Josh went behind my back and had given Parker this whole long list of ways to treat me better. I never said anything about Parker treating me badly but apparently that's how he took it, or so I thought. Parker was very upset about getting unneeded advice from someone he didn't even know and he asked me to tell Josh that he was acting out of line. When I got up the next morning, I told Josh exactly that and at that point he said our friendship was over (but in more words and not so nicely). I, like any girl, went running to my boyfriend and sent him an email saying I didn't know what was going on, I hadn't done anything wrong, and had no idea why he would just end our friendship like that. Parker, the ever protective boyfriend who doesn't want me to be upset, sent a message back to Josh. This is where I wish Parker would have just left everything alone and not sent a message. Turns out to Josh, I was the one that got away and he was purposefully sabotaging our friendship so he would never have to listen to me talk about Parker again. the two of them exchanged a few more heated messages until I finally begged them both to stop.
In the end, I think it's better that Josh and I can't be friends anymore but it still hurts to know that someone I once called one of my best friends would do something like that.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The world of an Army /military girlfriend
Something I've stolen from a friends facebook page. It definitely applies to me. As I was reading this, I was saying yes to myself because I am/do almost every single thing on here.
Her life isn’t complete without him. She looks tired because of her many sleepless nights either waiting for a call that never came or one that did and just because she heard his voice she is too overjoyed to sleep. As a wife/girlfriend she is classified as dependent, but she is completely independent. She tends to her household, her kids, her school work and her job all without her husband/boyfriend. She manages a smile, even though inside she’s crying. She understands that the man she loves has to go far away. She understand that he can be taken from her in a moments notice.
She feels a great sense of pride and probably cries whenever she hears the National Anthem, sees a flag blowing in the breeze, or watches the news and hears about another death in Iraq, worrying that it might be him. She goes weeks without a call or a letter, but she writes him whenever she gets a free moment. She knows how to convert civilian time into military time. She knows how to iron his clothes and how to get the creases just right.
Before he left she used to complain if she didn’t see him for a day or two but now she gets annoyed when she hears someone complaining about not seeing their boyfriends. She may not have seen him for months but she remembers everything about him, every scar he has, the way he smells, the sound of him sleeping. She has every picture of him and them out and in frames, she stares at them for hours on end and has read every letter he’s written at least 40 times.
Even though her man is half a world away, she manages to go on with her life, as he would want her to. You may not know what she looks like, but as soon as you see her you’ll know that her husband/boyfriend is a world away without even having to speak to her. She’s the one who’s half frowning half smiling, she has at least one Support Our Troops pin that she wears and one displayed on her car.
Half her wardrobe is based on his military branch. She never knew that she could love the color camouflage, green, tan, navy blue, red or black so much. Next time you see her thank her for what she and the man she loves is doing. She will greatly appreciate it and she will smile the rest of the day.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
5 months
I've been with Parker for 5 months today. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long. He's been away from me for 2 of those months but we're closer than ever despite the distance. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I thank God every day for putting him in my life.
Can't wait to see what the next 5 months bring for the 2 of us.
Can't wait to see what the next 5 months bring for the 2 of us.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sick :P
I went to bed last night saying that I was going to get up around 7:45 and be out of the house by 8:30 to go to the gym and workout for about an hour.
The one time I actually was completely motivated to go to the gym rather than just telling myself working out is good for me and I need to do it...the ONE time I'm in the zone to workout and I wake up with a really sore throat.
UGH :P
No work out for me.
First summer I haven't been sick every other week and it's finally caught up to me. Not like it's a big deal; it's only a cold, after all. But why now? I've been so healthy. Guess that's what I get for working with snotty, runny-nosed kids all summer...it was bound to catch me eventually.
Sore throat that feels like it did when I had tonsillitis, runny nose, congested, and pain in my ears (this is one of the repercussions of hundreds of childhood ear infections, that and slight hearing loss...yay me!)
I've taken lots dayquil, moving on to some nyquil now, took vitamin C pills (I can't stand orange juice so this will have to do), tissues are by my bed, drinking lots of fluids, and relaxing comfortably in my bed doing nothing.
None of this is what I want. I would do anything to have Parker here. When I told him I had come down with a cold when we talked earlier today, right after he called me his poor baby, he said he would give anything to be here with me, just holding me and cuddling and keeping me warm until I feel better.
Little things like that make me fall a little bit more in love with him :)
The one time I actually was completely motivated to go to the gym rather than just telling myself working out is good for me and I need to do it...the ONE time I'm in the zone to workout and I wake up with a really sore throat.
UGH :P
No work out for me.
First summer I haven't been sick every other week and it's finally caught up to me. Not like it's a big deal; it's only a cold, after all. But why now? I've been so healthy. Guess that's what I get for working with snotty, runny-nosed kids all summer...it was bound to catch me eventually.
Sore throat that feels like it did when I had tonsillitis, runny nose, congested, and pain in my ears (this is one of the repercussions of hundreds of childhood ear infections, that and slight hearing loss...yay me!)
I've taken lots dayquil, moving on to some nyquil now, took vitamin C pills (I can't stand orange juice so this will have to do), tissues are by my bed, drinking lots of fluids, and relaxing comfortably in my bed doing nothing.
None of this is what I want. I would do anything to have Parker here. When I told him I had come down with a cold when we talked earlier today, right after he called me his poor baby, he said he would give anything to be here with me, just holding me and cuddling and keeping me warm until I feel better.
Little things like that make me fall a little bit more in love with him :)
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I'm a military girlfriend...
Finding posts like this always help me get through the hard days. This past week has been really hard because for some reason, I've missed him more than usual. Maybe it's just knowing that I get to see him soon...
"I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.
I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.
I am a military girlfriend, there is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, though I love him no less for it. I hope every day that he will be able call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions…smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.
I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.
I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness.
I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me."
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Getting Close
So we only have a few more weeks until R&R. I'm so excited about getting to see him again.
But what if something has changed between us? I really hope that isn't the case because I really do love him but I can't help having this feeling.
I know nothing has changed, if anything, things between us have actually gotten better since we can communicate without emotions getting the better of us (actually, getting the better of me...he doesn't get worked up or angry with me. Definitely a good thing. I do that enough for the both of us).
I'm sure everything is going to be just fine once I see him. This is just my nerves getting the best of me right now. Gotta keep my chin up and know everything is going to be ok.
But what if something has changed between us? I really hope that isn't the case because I really do love him but I can't help having this feeling.
I know nothing has changed, if anything, things between us have actually gotten better since we can communicate without emotions getting the better of us (actually, getting the better of me...he doesn't get worked up or angry with me. Definitely a good thing. I do that enough for the both of us).
I'm sure everything is going to be just fine once I see him. This is just my nerves getting the best of me right now. Gotta keep my chin up and know everything is going to be ok.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Being clingy
So, thanks to some crazy stuff that's happened this week with Parker and the Army, I've gotten a little (or can you say VERY) clingy. It's so stupid but this whole "dating an Army boy" is all new to me and I just went a little over the deep end. I know I'm annoying him, I can just tell by the way he talks to me now, but he's being so good about not pointing it out, or at least pointing it out subtly.
Well, today I was looking at some PostSecret type quotes (I'm completely obsessed with PostSecret now and I'm finding all kinds of websites that are similar) and I've found a few that apply to this situation.
Well, today I was looking at some PostSecret type quotes (I'm completely obsessed with PostSecret now and I'm finding all kinds of websites that are similar) and I've found a few that apply to this situation.
I'm sorry I constantly want to talk to you. I'm sorry when you take long to reply I get sad. I'm sorry if I say things that make you mad. I'm sorry if I come off as annoying. I'm sorry if you don't want to talk as much as I want to. I'm sorry if I think about you too much and too often. I'm sorry if I tell you about my pointless drama when you don't really need to hear it. I'm sorry if I come off as being clingy, but it's just me missing you .
Dear love,
I'm sorry I can be a little bit impatient, annoying, and a pain but I want you to know that I love you and only you and no one else. You will always be my favorite topic to talk about and I love your smile. You will never be replaced and I hope we will last a very long time. We'll never know what the future might bring so I promise you I will never let you go.
Loving you always.
Me
Not exactly sure how to tell him I'm sorry for being a bit of a downer lately and for being extra clingy so I was thinking that sending him one of these would show him that I don't really mean to be this way.
Well *raises glass* here's to another week down.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
2 weeks/3 weeks
I know I know...I just posted something a few minutes ago but these two posts are extremely different.
This week marks 3 weeks since I last saw Parker and 2 weeks since he left the country. When I think about how long he's been deployed, I think the time has gone by fast. When I think about how long it's been since I've seen him, I think the time has slowed down so much. It feels like ages since I've seen him, so much longer than 3 weeks. We haven't skyped since he left which might be part of the reason that I feel like it's been such a long time. Once I'm able to see his face, I'm sure everything will be ok. As for the 2 weeks, thankfully work started this week so I'm no longer constantly thinking about him being away from me. Well, for about 5 hours in the afternoon I don't think about it. That's a big improvement from thinking about it 24 hours a day.
We're not able to talk like we normally do, which is right before he goes to bed, for a few weeks because of my work schedule so I'm hoping we'll have a chance to talk when he wakes up which is around the time I head to bed. Today was just really hard to get through because, while at work, I looked at the clock at one point and saw that it was 3pm which was when Parker gets online. I thought I was going to start crying right then. I just wanted to hear from him and know that he was ok. I got home and there was an email from him right before he went to bed. Emails just aren't the same as an actual conversation, even if that conversation is on FB chat
This week marks 3 weeks since I last saw Parker and 2 weeks since he left the country. When I think about how long he's been deployed, I think the time has gone by fast. When I think about how long it's been since I've seen him, I think the time has slowed down so much. It feels like ages since I've seen him, so much longer than 3 weeks. We haven't skyped since he left which might be part of the reason that I feel like it's been such a long time. Once I'm able to see his face, I'm sure everything will be ok. As for the 2 weeks, thankfully work started this week so I'm no longer constantly thinking about him being away from me. Well, for about 5 hours in the afternoon I don't think about it. That's a big improvement from thinking about it 24 hours a day.
We're not able to talk like we normally do, which is right before he goes to bed, for a few weeks because of my work schedule so I'm hoping we'll have a chance to talk when he wakes up which is around the time I head to bed. Today was just really hard to get through because, while at work, I looked at the clock at one point and saw that it was 3pm which was when Parker gets online. I thought I was going to start crying right then. I just wanted to hear from him and know that he was ok. I got home and there was an email from him right before he went to bed. Emails just aren't the same as an actual conversation, even if that conversation is on FB chat
Between two worlds
A friend posted this on her FB and it's so so true. The civilian world and military world are extremely different. People in the civilian world really have no idea what those of us in the military world go through
Between Two Worlds
365 days ago, I stood at Fort Benning and hugged my husband and his buddies as they deployed to Iraq. Back then, we were told to plan for an 18-month deployment, but if they were home in 15 months it would be a gift. That they are home in 12 is a miracle in my book.
I have recently come to the conclusion that when you have someone deployed, you live in two worlds: "This" world and "That" world. In This World, everything goes on as normal. You go to work (for those that work), do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills... You know -- all the things "normal" people do.
But we're not normal. We also live in That World -- the world where the telephone ringing in the middle of the night is normal 'cause it's morning over there. The world where news is everything and vague reports of improvised explosive devices can raise your heart rate 10 beats a minute and unconfirmed reports of soldiers' deaths can cause you to inhale involuntarily. The world that can fall apart in an instant when the caller ID says it's Fort _____ or there's a knock at the door and the chaplain is standing there.
In This World, holidays are a day off or a reason to shop. In That World, holidays are markers of time passing... merely milestones until homecoming. First we got through Valentine's Day, then Easter (telling ourselves that they'll be home next Easter), then Memorial Day (oh how we'll celebrate next Memorial Day!), Independence Day (we'll have the best barbecue next 4th!), Labor Day, Columbus Day... just marking time in That World... the World where you live between goodbyes and hellos until it's goodbyes again.
In This World, birthdays and anniversaries, the births of children, the marriages of friends and family are celebrated with a degree of sadness because your soldier is not here... your soldier is in harm's way. Can you ever truly celebrate in This World when your heart is mostly in That World? We do but only because we are forced to live in This and That World.
We live in This World where the ringing phone is just a ringing phone -- an annoyance, an interruption... but we are forced to also live in That World where we curse because the phone does not ring often enough or can bring unhappy news... where 21st century technology is a tether to That World but which we curse in blackout or busy times when we are plunged into unwanted silence.
In This World, shopping is a normal every day activity, but because we also live in That World, it is a lifeline to our soldier: shopping for the things they need... the things they like.. the things that tie them to home -- to us... tie them to This World and learning that soft toilet paper or their favorite brand of salsa may be more priceless than gold in That World.
In This World there are 24 hours in a day, but because we also live in That World, we live a parralel 24. As we progress through our days in This World, we are calculating the time in That World and conjuring up pictures of what our soldier is doing at that moment. When we eat we wonder if they had a hot meal today... when we shower we wonder if they had hot water for a shower or whether it was a water bottle rinse off... we wonder if the mail even got through today. In This World, "Where did the time go?" is a simple phrase. In That World, it is a blessing that the hour or day went quickly because in That World time passes excruciatingly slow -- especially those last few days until that plane touches down and the senior officer yells, "Dismissed!"
In This World, you are brave, tough, and supportive and you dare not admit to many that in That World you are also weary, frightened, worried sick, and lonesome for your soldier and sometimes you cry about it for him and for you.
In This World, you smile politely when someone asks about the yellow ribbon pin or the purple "For Those Who Serve" bracelet you wear... and you smile broadly when they ask you to thank your soldier for their service in That World.
In This World you wonder why people clap when David Letterman or Jay Leno say hurtful things about the War while your soldier fights nobly in That World for their right to say it. In This World you find that you talk back to the television a lot and that you stop watching or listening to Senators and Representatives and clueless celebrities who can't seem to put aside their partisanship long enough to see the effect some of their mindless statements have on those that live in That World and are fighting That war. In This World you wouldn't dream of challenging someone demanding that we cut and run, but because we also live in That World, we have no qualms about telling them that they don't know their butt from an indentation in the Earth's surface and thoughtfully answer all their rote mumblings about oil, lies, wealth, WMD -- and when they spout "We support the troops" -- we don't hesitate to ask them to prove it!
Before this deployment, I thought that once he -- once Our Guys -- was home, I would return to living in just one world -- This World. However, now that the deployment is over, I have come to realize that a part of me will always live between the two worlds. That World is now an integral part of This World for me... as it is for many others.
In This World, your friends are those you know in your neighborhood and from the PTA or Lions Club meetings. For the families of those deployed, our friends in This World include everyone that understands all too well That World: friends that are serving, those that have served, the families of those that are deployed, have been deployed or are deploying and the people that really do support them... always ready with a helping hand, an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold in good times and bad. That World is a big world inhabited by a large family of which I am proud to be a member and for which I will forever be grateful.
Between Two Worlds
365 days ago, I stood at Fort Benning and hugged my husband and his buddies as they deployed to Iraq. Back then, we were told to plan for an 18-month deployment, but if they were home in 15 months it would be a gift. That they are home in 12 is a miracle in my book.
I have recently come to the conclusion that when you have someone deployed, you live in two worlds: "This" world and "That" world. In This World, everything goes on as normal. You go to work (for those that work), do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills... You know -- all the things "normal" people do.
But we're not normal. We also live in That World -- the world where the telephone ringing in the middle of the night is normal 'cause it's morning over there. The world where news is everything and vague reports of improvised explosive devices can raise your heart rate 10 beats a minute and unconfirmed reports of soldiers' deaths can cause you to inhale involuntarily. The world that can fall apart in an instant when the caller ID says it's Fort _____ or there's a knock at the door and the chaplain is standing there.
In This World, holidays are a day off or a reason to shop. In That World, holidays are markers of time passing... merely milestones until homecoming. First we got through Valentine's Day, then Easter (telling ourselves that they'll be home next Easter), then Memorial Day (oh how we'll celebrate next Memorial Day!), Independence Day (we'll have the best barbecue next 4th!), Labor Day, Columbus Day... just marking time in That World... the World where you live between goodbyes and hellos until it's goodbyes again.
In This World, birthdays and anniversaries, the births of children, the marriages of friends and family are celebrated with a degree of sadness because your soldier is not here... your soldier is in harm's way. Can you ever truly celebrate in This World when your heart is mostly in That World? We do but only because we are forced to live in This and That World.
We live in This World where the ringing phone is just a ringing phone -- an annoyance, an interruption... but we are forced to also live in That World where we curse because the phone does not ring often enough or can bring unhappy news... where 21st century technology is a tether to That World but which we curse in blackout or busy times when we are plunged into unwanted silence.
In This World, shopping is a normal every day activity, but because we also live in That World, it is a lifeline to our soldier: shopping for the things they need... the things they like.. the things that tie them to home -- to us... tie them to This World and learning that soft toilet paper or their favorite brand of salsa may be more priceless than gold in That World.
In This World there are 24 hours in a day, but because we also live in That World, we live a parralel 24. As we progress through our days in This World, we are calculating the time in That World and conjuring up pictures of what our soldier is doing at that moment. When we eat we wonder if they had a hot meal today... when we shower we wonder if they had hot water for a shower or whether it was a water bottle rinse off... we wonder if the mail even got through today. In This World, "Where did the time go?" is a simple phrase. In That World, it is a blessing that the hour or day went quickly because in That World time passes excruciatingly slow -- especially those last few days until that plane touches down and the senior officer yells, "Dismissed!"
In This World, you are brave, tough, and supportive and you dare not admit to many that in That World you are also weary, frightened, worried sick, and lonesome for your soldier and sometimes you cry about it for him and for you.
In This World, you smile politely when someone asks about the yellow ribbon pin or the purple "For Those Who Serve" bracelet you wear... and you smile broadly when they ask you to thank your soldier for their service in That World.
In This World you wonder why people clap when David Letterman or Jay Leno say hurtful things about the War while your soldier fights nobly in That World for their right to say it. In This World you find that you talk back to the television a lot and that you stop watching or listening to Senators and Representatives and clueless celebrities who can't seem to put aside their partisanship long enough to see the effect some of their mindless statements have on those that live in That World and are fighting That war. In This World you wouldn't dream of challenging someone demanding that we cut and run, but because we also live in That World, we have no qualms about telling them that they don't know their butt from an indentation in the Earth's surface and thoughtfully answer all their rote mumblings about oil, lies, wealth, WMD -- and when they spout "We support the troops" -- we don't hesitate to ask them to prove it!
Before this deployment, I thought that once he -- once Our Guys -- was home, I would return to living in just one world -- This World. However, now that the deployment is over, I have come to realize that a part of me will always live between the two worlds. That World is now an integral part of This World for me... as it is for many others.
In This World, your friends are those you know in your neighborhood and from the PTA or Lions Club meetings. For the families of those deployed, our friends in This World include everyone that understands all too well That World: friends that are serving, those that have served, the families of those that are deployed, have been deployed or are deploying and the people that really do support them... always ready with a helping hand, an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold in good times and bad. That World is a big world inhabited by a large family of which I am proud to be a member and for which I will forever be grateful.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
You know your soldier is deployed when...
Found this online and thought it was super cute...and it's so true
1. You wear old sweatpants and sweatshirts to bed.
2. You can watch any movie you want without arguing with him first.
3. You get up in the middle of the night to check your e-mail or you stay on the computer all night waiting for them to get on. (I have been waking up in the middle of the night for the past week to check for emails)
4. You love watching cute love movies because it reminds you of all the cute things he does when he's home.
5. You haven't shaved your legs in weeks.
6. The people at the post office know you because you're sending so many care packages (this will be happening soon for me lol)
7. You start paying close attention in class when the words "military" or "Iraq" are mentioned.
8. You suddenly have an obsession with anything military related.
9. You see someone wearing an army, navy, air force, or USMC shirt and you get this overwhelming urge to talk to them.
10. You make friends with strangers online just because they are in the same situation as you and are the only ones that can truly understand what you are going through. (MIG!!!!!!!!!!!)
11. Your first Christmas together is.... apart....
12. You find yourself checking your facebook every fifteen minutes. (ha more like every 5 and now I'm constantly online hoping he'll get on)
13. You wear his dog tags all day and night no matter what outfit you are wearing (I actually wear either the custom dog tags with his name on them or his army ring on a chain all the time)
14. The highlight of your day is getting a letter that was mailed a month ago.
15. And if you don't get a letter, the highlight of your day is writing him a letter that you know he will be able to read in a month.
16. You realize that HOMECOMING is so much more than a football game.
17. You want to hit any happy couple you see together.
18. You've exhausted every idea a brain could have of what to put in a box.
19. You see a "support our troops" sticker on a car when you are stuck in traffic and you find yourself guessing about who they know that is deployed and thinking about their entire life story.
20. When the clock says 11:11, you find yourself wishing for the same thing every time: Your Soldier Home Safe :)
21. You get excited when its only 9 months until you see your soldier instead of 12!
22. You can't stand girls that talk about missing their boyfriends who live a few hours away. You just want to yell "drive and go see them them" because if you had the chance, you would even walk all the way over to where he is just to get one kiss :)
23. You find yourself randomly crying from just looking at a picture of the two of you together.
24. You find yourself randomly crying and you sometimes have no idea why.
25. You stay on the Internet for hours searching for anything and everything about the military.
26. You talk to your friends about him so much that they know his full name, birthday and even his favorite color.
27. You are reading this and smiling and nodding because you know it's so true!
28. You sleep with his favorite blanket so often it's starting to smell less like him and more like your perfume (I have 2 of his jackets, not a blanket, and they are starting to smell like me and not him anymore...so sad)
29. You get up early so that by the time he gets off work you're wide awake and ready to keep staring at your computer/phone
30. You never go to sleep without saying a prayer for your soldier to please come home safe and ask the Lord to please watch over him no matter where he is and thank the Lord for blessing you with this wonderful man !!!!
1. You wear old sweatpants and sweatshirts to bed.
2. You can watch any movie you want without arguing with him first.
3. You get up in the middle of the night to check your e-mail or you stay on the computer all night waiting for them to get on. (I have been waking up in the middle of the night for the past week to check for emails)
4. You love watching cute love movies because it reminds you of all the cute things he does when he's home.
5. You haven't shaved your legs in weeks.
6. The people at the post office know you because you're sending so many care packages (this will be happening soon for me lol)
7. You start paying close attention in class when the words "military" or "Iraq" are mentioned.
8. You suddenly have an obsession with anything military related.
9. You see someone wearing an army, navy, air force, or USMC shirt and you get this overwhelming urge to talk to them.
10. You make friends with strangers online just because they are in the same situation as you and are the only ones that can truly understand what you are going through. (MIG!!!!!!!!!!!)
11. Your first Christmas together is.... apart....
12. You find yourself checking your facebook every fifteen minutes. (ha more like every 5 and now I'm constantly online hoping he'll get on)
13. You wear his dog tags all day and night no matter what outfit you are wearing (I actually wear either the custom dog tags with his name on them or his army ring on a chain all the time)
14. The highlight of your day is getting a letter that was mailed a month ago.
15. And if you don't get a letter, the highlight of your day is writing him a letter that you know he will be able to read in a month.
16. You realize that HOMECOMING is so much more than a football game.
17. You want to hit any happy couple you see together.
18. You've exhausted every idea a brain could have of what to put in a box.
19. You see a "support our troops" sticker on a car when you are stuck in traffic and you find yourself guessing about who they know that is deployed and thinking about their entire life story.
20. When the clock says 11:11, you find yourself wishing for the same thing every time: Your Soldier Home Safe :)
21. You get excited when its only 9 months until you see your soldier instead of 12!
22. You can't stand girls that talk about missing their boyfriends who live a few hours away. You just want to yell "drive and go see them them" because if you had the chance, you would even walk all the way over to where he is just to get one kiss :)
23. You find yourself randomly crying from just looking at a picture of the two of you together.
24. You find yourself randomly crying and you sometimes have no idea why.
25. You stay on the Internet for hours searching for anything and everything about the military.
26. You talk to your friends about him so much that they know his full name, birthday and even his favorite color.
27. You are reading this and smiling and nodding because you know it's so true!
28. You sleep with his favorite blanket so often it's starting to smell less like him and more like your perfume (I have 2 of his jackets, not a blanket, and they are starting to smell like me and not him anymore...so sad)
29. You get up early so that by the time he gets off work you're wide awake and ready to keep staring at your computer/phone
30. You never go to sleep without saying a prayer for your soldier to please come home safe and ask the Lord to please watch over him no matter where he is and thank the Lord for blessing you with this wonderful man !!!!
Monday, May 30, 2011
I'm not a military wife but...
...this just says everything. Always get a little teary eyed when I read it.
When God Created a Military Wife
By: Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating wives, he was into his sixth day of overtime.
An angel appeared and said, “You’re having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with the standard model?”
And the Lord replied, “Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, but must be sponsored to get on post; have the qualities of both father and mother during deployments; be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40; run on black coffee; handle emergencies without a manual; be able to handle flu, birthdays, and moves around the world; have a kiss that can cure anything from a child’s torn Valentine to a husband’s weary day; have the patience of a saint when waiting for the Unit to return home; and have six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook his hand slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands….No Way!”
And the Lord answered, “Don’t worry, we’ll make other military wives to help. Besides it’s not the hands that are causing the problem, it’s the heart. It must swell with pride in her husband, sustain the ache of separations, beat on soundly when it’s too tired to do so and be large enough to say, “I understand” when she doesn’t, and “I love you” regardless.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching his sleeve gently. “Come to bed…finish this tomorrow.”
“I Can’t,” said the Lord. “I’m so close to creating something unique. Already I have one who heals herself when she’s sick, can feed three unexpected guests who are stuck in the area due to bad weather, and can wave good-bye to her husband, from a pier, off a runway and understand that it is important to his country that he leaves.”
The angel circled the model of the military wife very slowly “It’s too soft,” he sighed.
“But tough,” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this woman can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Can it think? It can convert 1400 to 2 P.M.”
Finally, the angel bent over and ran his finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” He pronounced. “I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.”
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?” asked the angel.
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride!”
“You are a genius,” sighed the angel.
The Lord looked somber and replied, “I didn’t put it there.”
When God Created a Military Wife
By: Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating wives, he was into his sixth day of overtime.
An angel appeared and said, “You’re having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with the standard model?”
And the Lord replied, “Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, but must be sponsored to get on post; have the qualities of both father and mother during deployments; be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40; run on black coffee; handle emergencies without a manual; be able to handle flu, birthdays, and moves around the world; have a kiss that can cure anything from a child’s torn Valentine to a husband’s weary day; have the patience of a saint when waiting for the Unit to return home; and have six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook his hand slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands….No Way!”
And the Lord answered, “Don’t worry, we’ll make other military wives to help. Besides it’s not the hands that are causing the problem, it’s the heart. It must swell with pride in her husband, sustain the ache of separations, beat on soundly when it’s too tired to do so and be large enough to say, “I understand” when she doesn’t, and “I love you” regardless.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching his sleeve gently. “Come to bed…finish this tomorrow.”
“I Can’t,” said the Lord. “I’m so close to creating something unique. Already I have one who heals herself when she’s sick, can feed three unexpected guests who are stuck in the area due to bad weather, and can wave good-bye to her husband, from a pier, off a runway and understand that it is important to his country that he leaves.”
The angel circled the model of the military wife very slowly “It’s too soft,” he sighed.
“But tough,” said the Lord excitedly. “You cannot imagine what this woman can do or endure.”
“Can it think?”
“Can it think? It can convert 1400 to 2 P.M.”
Finally, the angel bent over and ran his finger across the cheek. “There’s a leak,” He pronounced. “I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.”
“It’s not a leak,” said the Lord. “It’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?” asked the angel.
“It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride!”
“You are a genius,” sighed the angel.
The Lord looked somber and replied, “I didn’t put it there.”
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Looking back on the first week
DEPLOYMENT WEEK ONE IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!!!!
Reflecting on everything that happened this past week, if any of it is a sign of how the rest of the deployment will go, I think Parker and I will make it through just fine. There were a few times where I just didn't see how I could ever make it a year...that just seems so long...but then I quickly remembered why I'm here waiting out this year. It's because of Parker. He means everything to me and he needs me to be strong and brave through this for him.
I have some routines in place already that I'm hoping I can maintain throughout the rest of the deployment. It will help me keep busy and stay sane. June and July should be fairly busy with a couple of family reunions, teaching Sunday school, and teaching a VBS class. And the search for a fall internship is still going at this point. Hoping I can find some prospective companies soon.
Shout out to all my new MIG friends. You are a huge reason why I'm confident and not completely overwhelmed right now. I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to meet any of you in person, I'm really hoping I can though, but you have all been awesome. You have amazing advice and ideas and your stories are inspiring.
Reflecting on everything that happened this past week, if any of it is a sign of how the rest of the deployment will go, I think Parker and I will make it through just fine. There were a few times where I just didn't see how I could ever make it a year...that just seems so long...but then I quickly remembered why I'm here waiting out this year. It's because of Parker. He means everything to me and he needs me to be strong and brave through this for him.
I have some routines in place already that I'm hoping I can maintain throughout the rest of the deployment. It will help me keep busy and stay sane. June and July should be fairly busy with a couple of family reunions, teaching Sunday school, and teaching a VBS class. And the search for a fall internship is still going at this point. Hoping I can find some prospective companies soon.
Shout out to all my new MIG friends. You are a huge reason why I'm confident and not completely overwhelmed right now. I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to meet any of you in person, I'm really hoping I can though, but you have all been awesome. You have amazing advice and ideas and your stories are inspiring.
I miss this crazy guy
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Haven't had much to talk about lately...
Got to talk to Parker yesterday TWICE! Once in the morning and once last night. :) It's looking like we'll typically be able to talk right before I go to bed at night!!
Nothing super exciting happening in my crazy world the past few days and I'm a little bored so here is yet another survey. Hopefully I'll have something to talk about next week
1. What time did you get up this morning? 10:30
2. How do you like your steak? Medium
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Thor
4. What is your favorite TV show? Glee and Psych
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? It would be amazing to live in Hawaii
6. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing. I typically don't eat breakfast
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican...I'm a true Texas girl :)
8. What foods do you dislike? Tomatoes. They are so nasty
9. Favorite Place to Eat? There are a lot of places I like to go to
10. Favorite dressing? Ranch
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? '97 Ford Taurus
12. What are your favorite clothes? anything that's comfy...typically short and a long sleeve t-shirt
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? always 1/2 full
15. Where would you want to retire? no idea...guess it just depends on where I am in life when that happens
16. Favorite time of day? I'm definitely a night person
17. Where were you born? Houston, TX
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? football
19. How many siblings? 2
20. Favorite pastime/hobby? I really love to read and have a pile of books I'm hoping to get through this summer
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? I don't care if anyone responds/comments on this lol
22. Bird watcher? nope
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
24. Do you have any pets? yes, Rosie our silly mutt
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? not really
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be a veterinarian
27. What is your best childhood memory? going to my Papa's ranch, playing with the dogs, looking at the cows, ranch stuff lol
28. Are you a cat or dog person? dog
29. Are you married? nope
30. Always wear your seat belt? sure do
31. Been in a car accident? yes...in high school. My dad was driving the van, it was raining, and another car hit our back bumper and sent us spinning
32. Any pet peeves? I have a few...
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? pepperoni and pineapple
34. Favorite Flower? orchids and the roses that are white and pink
35. Favorite ice cream? cookie dough and most Ben and Jerry's flavors
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? hmmm...Freebirds is pretty awesome (if that's considered fast food)
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I didn't fail it :)
38. From whom did you get your last email? I can't remember
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Oh...there are so many places
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? ha not really
41. Like your job? teaching swimming lessons is really fun...I start in a week!
42. Broccoli? only if it's smothered in cheese!
43. What was your favorite vacation? England and Hawaii were my favorites!
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? parents
45. What are you listening to right now? watching Ever After right now
46. What is your favorite color? blue
47. How many tattoos do you have? none
48. Coffee drinker? only if it's Starbucks!!!
Nothing super exciting happening in my crazy world the past few days and I'm a little bored so here is yet another survey. Hopefully I'll have something to talk about next week
1. What time did you get up this morning? 10:30
2. How do you like your steak? Medium
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Thor
4. What is your favorite TV show? Glee and Psych
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? It would be amazing to live in Hawaii
6. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing. I typically don't eat breakfast
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican...I'm a true Texas girl :)
8. What foods do you dislike? Tomatoes. They are so nasty
9. Favorite Place to Eat? There are a lot of places I like to go to
10. Favorite dressing? Ranch
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? '97 Ford Taurus
12. What are your favorite clothes? anything that's comfy...typically short and a long sleeve t-shirt
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? always 1/2 full
15. Where would you want to retire? no idea...guess it just depends on where I am in life when that happens
16. Favorite time of day? I'm definitely a night person
17. Where were you born? Houston, TX
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? football
19. How many siblings? 2
20. Favorite pastime/hobby? I really love to read and have a pile of books I'm hoping to get through this summer
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? I don't care if anyone responds/comments on this lol
22. Bird watcher? nope
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
24. Do you have any pets? yes, Rosie our silly mutt
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? not really
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be a veterinarian
27. What is your best childhood memory? going to my Papa's ranch, playing with the dogs, looking at the cows, ranch stuff lol
28. Are you a cat or dog person? dog
29. Are you married? nope
30. Always wear your seat belt? sure do
31. Been in a car accident? yes...in high school. My dad was driving the van, it was raining, and another car hit our back bumper and sent us spinning
32. Any pet peeves? I have a few...
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? pepperoni and pineapple
34. Favorite Flower? orchids and the roses that are white and pink
35. Favorite ice cream? cookie dough and most Ben and Jerry's flavors
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? hmmm...Freebirds is pretty awesome (if that's considered fast food)
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I didn't fail it :)
38. From whom did you get your last email? I can't remember
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Oh...there are so many places
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? ha not really
41. Like your job? teaching swimming lessons is really fun...I start in a week!
42. Broccoli? only if it's smothered in cheese!
43. What was your favorite vacation? England and Hawaii were my favorites!
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? parents
45. What are you listening to right now? watching Ever After right now
46. What is your favorite color? blue
47. How many tattoos do you have? none
48. Coffee drinker? only if it's Starbucks!!!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Doing a survey to pass the time
Pretty sure no one saw us kiss...pretty sure Parker waited until everyone had left the parking lot
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on if I have a straw or not
If you really want it that bad you'll work extra hard for it.......or in my case, I just do the sad puppy dog eyes and someone gives in
Sure have
Now that I have never done. Just never had a reason to
lol neither? I guess be killed (as long as I don't see it coming). There is no way I could ever kill another person
Not planning on ever breaking Parker's heart and I know he doesn't want to break mine
Slept in, went for a run, lunch, helped with laundry, Bible study, shower, doing my nails now
It's more than like :)
NO WAY...can't stand needles :-/ and I just don't like the idea of tattoos
Baked tilapia, shrimp, and salad
Definitely a night person
I hope not lol
Nope
Scream and then probably faint
I love being around people! I'm definitely a social butterfly
A little bit
Depends on what happened...I try to be though
Since I'm at my parents house my mom does the dishes lol but I helped her load the dishwasher this afternoon
On Yahoo chat with a friend right now
I'm in an amazing relationship with Parker right now :D
Put another coat of paint on my nails
Nope
I really want to be able to fly and maybe make myself invisible
Katherineness
Lonely, sad, bored
Yes and I will never do those things again
For once no...no music or TV on right now
Bedroom at my parents house
Scared for Parker being so far away
When in Rome on netflix but last movie I saw in theaters was Thor
Ridin' Solo lol...inside joke with Parker
Ha dumb question. Guess who I'm thinking about right now...
Aunt Patsy yesterday
A picture
I've changed so much...definitely a better person
Church building
I don't think anyone has ever said I looked like a celebrity
I know a little Spanish, nothing that would be useful, and a few random German words
Comfort for sure
That's a no
Blue and pink...and brown when it's with either of those
Far Away
Getting my tan back lol
Is this normal?
I know it's only been a few days since he left but so far I haven't really felt all that sad about him being gone. I think about him ALL the time but still...I haven't sat down and cried over this yet. Only thing that's made me tear up in anyway was when "This is Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood came on the radio while I was in the car with mom yesterday. It was so hard trying not to cry. Stupid me didn't even try to change radio stations. That song is definitely going on my DON'T LISTEN list. I guess I teared up a little bit when I saw he was online Monday night. That definitely made me happy. We actually got to talk on FB chat for 5 minutes and even though neither of us said much of anything, it's better than nothing.
Maybe I'm more depressed than sad about him being gone...yes, there is a difference between the two of those things. I can tell you without a doubt I do not feel sad. I've completely lost my appetite since I go his last text Sunday afternoon. The whole day I am starving but as soon as there is food on a plate in front of me, I don't want to eat at all. I am making myself eat, so don't worry about me getting some food disorder, I just wish I actually wanted to eat. Everything has tasted disgusting...even the steak we had last night for dinner. I didn't even want to eat lunch after my long run this morning and usually I can't stop eating after a run.
Bleh...here's to me hopefully getting semi back to normal soon...............
Maybe I'm more depressed than sad about him being gone...yes, there is a difference between the two of those things. I can tell you without a doubt I do not feel sad. I've completely lost my appetite since I go his last text Sunday afternoon. The whole day I am starving but as soon as there is food on a plate in front of me, I don't want to eat at all. I am making myself eat, so don't worry about me getting some food disorder, I just wish I actually wanted to eat. Everything has tasted disgusting...even the steak we had last night for dinner. I didn't even want to eat lunch after my long run this morning and usually I can't stop eating after a run.
Bleh...here's to me hopefully getting semi back to normal soon...............
Monday, May 23, 2011
Good news :D
Just found out that Parker's company made it to Iraq. VERY exciting news :) now I just have to play the waiting game and hope I hear from him sometime soon.
This weeks is devoted to...
This is the first week Parker is gone and I've heard that this week and next will probably be the hardest for me. I'm not expecting to hear from him either of these weeks and I'm hoping there is a chance that the third will bring a message from him but I've also told myself that it could easily be a month before I hear anything.
Until then, this week is completely devoted to me being mad about all of this. I am going to cry when I feel like it. I will be furious at the Army for making him go over there. I will be depressed that I'm not hearing from him. I will even be mad at Parker for telling me that he was excited to go over there. I will let all of my emotions out however I feel like because there is no use holding it all in. If I try to hold it in, that first Skype conversation with Parker is going to be a BAD one.
I'm also trying to start a bit of a routine today. It's not much because every day is not planned out since I'm not working yet but at least I'll have a few things to do that will stay consistent every day. As I said in my post last night, I'm starting a picture-a-day project for every day that Parker is gone. I will constantly be looking around for something I can snap a shot of. I'm also going to start writing in a journal. I'm going to write down my first thought when I wake up in the morning and at night, right before I go to bed, I'm going to write down what happened that day, all my emotions, and just whatever else I feel like I need to get out of my system. I'm hoping this will help out when Parker and I are able to start having regular Skype dates. All the negatives emotions and thoughts will be put in the journal so that when I talk to him I will just be...happy. He's told me he doesn't want me to be sad while he's gone so I'm going to do my best to always be happy when we are able to talk. I haven't decided yet whether or not I'll show him the journal when he gets back.
Until then, this week is completely devoted to me being mad about all of this. I am going to cry when I feel like it. I will be furious at the Army for making him go over there. I will be depressed that I'm not hearing from him. I will even be mad at Parker for telling me that he was excited to go over there. I will let all of my emotions out however I feel like because there is no use holding it all in. If I try to hold it in, that first Skype conversation with Parker is going to be a BAD one.
I'm also trying to start a bit of a routine today. It's not much because every day is not planned out since I'm not working yet but at least I'll have a few things to do that will stay consistent every day. As I said in my post last night, I'm starting a picture-a-day project for every day that Parker is gone. I will constantly be looking around for something I can snap a shot of. I'm also going to start writing in a journal. I'm going to write down my first thought when I wake up in the morning and at night, right before I go to bed, I'm going to write down what happened that day, all my emotions, and just whatever else I feel like I need to get out of my system. I'm hoping this will help out when Parker and I are able to start having regular Skype dates. All the negatives emotions and thoughts will be put in the journal so that when I talk to him I will just be...happy. He's told me he doesn't want me to be sad while he's gone so I'm going to do my best to always be happy when we are able to talk. I haven't decided yet whether or not I'll show him the journal when he gets back.
Quick Post
Don't really feel like posting much right now but just wanted to say that I started a new blog that will feature a new picture taken by me each day. Hoping I will be able to have a picture up for every day that Parker has gone and at the end of his deployment, I will make a scrapbook out of it. Anyways...check it out please!!!
Tomorrow I'll try to post something more but for now, it's back to my movie and then bedtime.
Tomorrow I'll try to post something more but for now, it's back to my movie and then bedtime.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
3 days...
I'm doing my best to stay calm and focused on each day as it comes. This is kind of hard to do since Sunday is coming up pretty fast. I can't get over how fast time is passing by but I guess that is actually a good thing. If the days leading up to Parker leaving are going by fast then the days until he comes back should go by fast as well. Good thinking right?
Other than that, the search for a Fall internship is still going on. I'm also looking for new hobbies to try my hand at so that every moment of my life will be busy (I really don't want to have much downtime...I think it will make time go by faster). Any ideas of things I should try out let me know! I would really appreciate it :)
Other than that, the search for a Fall internship is still going on. I'm also looking for new hobbies to try my hand at so that every moment of my life will be busy (I really don't want to have much downtime...I think it will make time go by faster). Any ideas of things I should try out let me know! I would really appreciate it :)
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
One week left...
One week until Parker leaves for Iraq. Had to say our last good-bye's to each other last night. I never knew it would be so hard to hug him and then have to watch him walk away. That was the last time I get to see him in person for at least 6 months. I'm surprised I didn't break down and cry right then but for some reason I couldn't do it. I wanted to but the tears just weren't there.
All I can do now is sit here wearing his jacket and smelling his scent on it and imagine he's holding me while looking at pictures from this weekend.
All I can do now is sit here wearing his jacket and smelling his scent on it and imagine he's holding me while looking at pictures from this weekend.
right before the Cinderella play
having a little bit of fun in Wal-Mart
boys being boys
trying to build up static to shock Parker
shocking him on the nose
someone was exhausted....
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
It's summer...now what?
Summer is officially here. Actually, it was here yesterday at 2pm when I walked out of my one and only final of this semester. I've received grades back for 2 of my classes so far and things are looking good.
I'm just having mixed feelings about this summer. Parker will be leaving for Iraq in less than 2 weeks, I'll be back home teaching swimming lessons, and I will be looking around for a Fall internship. It's definitely going to be a busy summer and there are other things going on besides just work and an internship search, but will there be enough going on to keep my mind off of Parker being gone? I know I can make it through this. I have amazing friends that will do anything and everything in their power to make sure I don't dwell on this too much. But will it be enough?
I'm just having mixed feelings about this summer. Parker will be leaving for Iraq in less than 2 weeks, I'll be back home teaching swimming lessons, and I will be looking around for a Fall internship. It's definitely going to be a busy summer and there are other things going on besides just work and an internship search, but will there be enough going on to keep my mind off of Parker being gone? I know I can make it through this. I have amazing friends that will do anything and everything in their power to make sure I don't dwell on this too much. But will it be enough?
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